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How to get over someone and back on the market

Sophie
Sophie
11 Aug 2015
I think the best break up advice I can give is how to get over someone and back on the market. Being ready to dive back in to the sea of fish (of which there are plenty, I hear) means the wounds of your previous relationship are healing and you’re on the path to a happy and healthy independent life. But how do you get there? When you’re stuck in the break up rut it can feel like there’s a mountain to climb before you’re ready to be back on the market.

The first thing you need to do after a tough break up is give yourself a bit of breathing room. Let yourself be upset. Cry when you need to cry. It’s ok to make bed mates of Ben & Jerry. (I mean the ice cream… but whatever floats your boat.) Don’t get cross with yourself if you’re still crying on day 5 – it’s probably the healthiest thing you can do at this point. But – and this is a big but – don’t revel in misery. There is a fine line between embracing your emotion and letting it consume you. If you do this for too long (the Netflix marathons, the chocolate feasts) it will become habitual and so much harder to escape from. Try and make this period a limited time only – a week perhaps.

If you’re not feeling good on the inside, start by making yourself feel good on the outside. Treat yourself. Have a long shower with that super expensive body butter your Granny got you for Christmas. I think there’s something quite emotionally cleansing about giving yourself a really good head-to-toe scrub when you’re feeling low. Buy a new outfit, or put on your old favourite.

Create something. It could be crafty, or you could bake, or create a new look for yourself – just so long as it is unrelated to your love life. Do it with friends or do it solo, but create something that requires concentration, a little time and has a tangible result you can be proud of. Pride in your creation will give your self-esteem a little boost at a time when it can be pretty shaken up. It will also remind you that you create the good in your life, not somebody else. Do you have a skill/talent/hobby? Do it. Identify the things that make you happy and make sure you’re doing them.

Stay busy! Make your next plans while you're out and about. Put dates in your diary so that you have things to focus on and look forward to. But, take it one plan at a time and make sure you're enjoying them. Find things to laugh at each time you’re out. It might be forced at first but soon you'll see what a lot of things there are to smile at. My best advice at this point is to do something silly with your friends. Like, really silly. I’m talking prank calls and dropping eggs on the floor from a balcony. It'll remind you that life doesn't need to be serious.

When you’re going out with your friends and keeping busy doing the things that make you the happiest it won’t be long before your interest in the other species *sorry, opposite gender comes back to life. Some flirty eye contact across the bar and a few small butterflies. Go out dancing a couple of times and flirt the night away. Don't worry about what it means or where it may go, just enjoy the moments. When you can do this it means it's time to get back on the wagon.

Bam! You’ve done it. You’re out of the rut and back on the market, and I bet you didn’t even notice it happen.

If you've been out of the game for a while you may not be familiar with the highs and lows of online dating. It can be pretty intimidating, so it’s probably good to start with face-to-face events that allow you to see if you’ve got chemistry with a person before you chat to them online. Head to a singles night. Start with a party – these are less formal than smaller singles events and are much more in line with a girls night out that just happens to involve a room full of eligible bachelors/a guys night with a room full of lovely ladies. Maybe try speed dating while you're there, and if you enjoy it, you could try it on its own so that you get more dates for a longer time.

Lucky for you, we have a huge variety of singles events available. Enjoy!

That's all for now singletons,
Sophie x
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