How to Deal with a Breakup and Start Dating Again
Loss in any form is hard to deal with. Some take their time to heal, whereas others move past as quickly as possible. No matter your method, there’s hope for you yet!
Love and loss, two things that haunt us as we move through life; both bring their rewards and their hardship. Everyone’s likely to go through at least one nasty breakup in their life, sometimes we see it coming, but invariably it’s out of the blue and gut-wrenching. However, the life lessons learned from a split are vital to romantic development and in maturing your senses. It’s a horrible process but an invaluable one by the end of it.
It’s argued that men and women deal with breakups differently; on one side, you have men who go out on a bender straight away and grieve later; on the other hand, some women recover first and then party. There’s no right or wrong answer to how you deal with it; if you get past it and find someone better, you’ll be okay. But how to find a new partner when your loved one has left? Speed dating has seen an increase in popularity recently, and it’s an interesting setup. Being in the UK, you’re likely to find mainstream speed dating groups with ease. They may not be exactly like the ones depicted in television or film, but going through the group date with lots of handsome guys and cute girls has undeniable charm.
Tips to Recover from a Break Up
So, the worst has happened, and you find yourself newly single; how do you put the pieces back together? It’s not a linear process, but if you’re taking steps in the right direction, that’s all that matters. Whether you’re a man or a woman, the tips we’ve collected are guaranteed to ease the wounds of grief from separating.
- Take some time to yourself
It’s important when trying to get over something emotional to take our time. If the feelings were genuine, you wouldn’t bounce back right away – take your time to feel everything. It will hurt, but the more you do now, the better the recovery. You don’t have to do this alone; you can hang out with friends or go to the pub; the environment and company are irrelevant. Just ensure you’re not smothering your emotions.
- Have a supportive friendship group or therapist
If you’re already in therapy, then now would be the time to lean on this support; they’re paid professionals and will know exactly how to guide you through this pain. If you don’t have a therapist, it’s time to lean on your friends more. They know how to cheer you up, don’t just hide in a duvet pit until you’re better.
- Time for self-care!
It’s important to look after ourselves! Depending on your gender will change what works for you. However, both men and women can enjoy a decent bubble bath. It’s a full-body relaxation that anyone can enjoy! Other than that, doing things for yourself is a good idea to keep your mental health in a good position.
- Create boundaries
Set boundaries with your ex that protect your emotions. It’s too easy to rebound, especially if you end on good terms. It’s fine to occasionally chat, but don’t meet up alone and don’t talk to them about dating. Keep the boundaries clear, and you’re more likely to move on.
Feeling Empowered and Not Losing Yourself
The key to getting back to yourself after a breakup is returning to hobbies/ habits you lost when getting into a relationship. When we become committed to another person, our free time quickly diminishes. When freshly single, it’s the perfect opportunity to get back to our roots; this realigns our souls and aids the healing process. It’s simple enough; the challenge is committing to it again and not feel awkward. We suggest taking it a hobby at a time! If you were a gym enthusiast before the relationship, start with that. Exercise is so important for mental health, and the more we work our bodies, the better we feel.
We’re not suggesting a major spiritual journey like you see in Eat Pray Love but get to know your body – its reaction to grief, what makes you feel better, etc. to feel more empowered, follow our list of tips to get you started and push you onto this journey of self-discovery.
- Speak positively. The biggest step to self-empowerment is speaking kindly about ourselves and the world. It’s easy to get hung up on the bad stuff, and this is guaranteed throughout our lives. However, being able to shift focus to the silver lining is what reasserts our power.
- Finish tasks. There’s potentially a lot of odd jobs you’ve had on the back burner... start finishing them! The smallest task finished can feel rewarding to get started. You’ll quickly notice how quickly the brain fog clears. Try making a physical list and ticking them off; it keeps you organised and feels extra good.
- Question negativity. What triggers it? Why do you spiral when everything else is fine? This is a lifelong task but is the most empowering! When we know our triggers and how to manage stress, we become a better version of ourselves.
- Know when to reward yourself. We get so caught up in nit-picking our weaknesses/downfalls that we rarely congratulate ourselves. No matter the achievement, if it’s a positive step in the right direction, give yourself a reward. Doesn’t have to be anything expensive, just whatever feels right to you. When we treat ourselves right, we’re less likely to let sub-parr people into our lives.
Is Speed Dating Still a Thing?
Now onto the part where we finally feel ready to love again, or at least feel the intimacy. After a breakup, you’re likely to feel apprehensive towards dating of any kind. We want to protect the heart we just fixed. The hardest pill to swallow is that if we want to fully heal, we need to get back on the dating horse. Putting ourselves out there reminds us that we’re still desirable and have options! The most empowering thing you can do for yourself right now.
But which type of dating is best for you? Picking the right romantic path could make or break this healing process, and we’re here to walk you through it. So, let’s go through the dating paths you could take next.
- Online dating. This one is quite the umbrella term as it covers many different types. Hook-ups, relationships, fetish, local, long-distance, video calls, etc., there’s lots to unpack with this one and will require more research. It completely depends on what you want next romantically.
- Blind dates. If you’ve got friends desperate to match you with someone, then blind dates could be a good option for you. Extra nerve-wracking but is a lot like playing the lottery. You might just bag yourself a Tom Hardy.
- Speed dating. Seems old fashioned or almost fictional, but this form of dating is coming back around and is the amalgamation of online and blind dating. You have the choice that comes with online dating (and events sometimes even happen online) but the excitement of the unknown you get with blind dates.
If you truly want a fresh start but don’t want to faff with going out with someone you know, then speed dating could be for you. You can pick from the singles at the event but also get the thrill of meeting a stranger. Additionally, gauging attraction is much easier to do in person, another bonus to speed dating. To speed date, there’s no denying the necessity of confidence; speaking to new people and going on quick dates isn’t for the faint-hearted. However, we recommend you give it a go regardless! Nothing’s achieved in our comfort zones. To aid this, we’ve collected a list of questions/conversation pieces to make the process easier.
- Where are you from?
A simple question but could be vital in the decision-making process. Are you seeking a long-distance relationship or someone close and reliable? Not all attendees will be local; ensure you get this question in early.
- What exactly are they looking for?
Ask for their brutally honest answer; no one wants to be messed around, especially not after a breakup. Be clear about what you want and be strict with yourself. Their beauty isn’t worth abandoning desires/ morals.
- What’s special about you?
Sounds rather cut-throat but is a direct question they can respect. Plus, their reaction could show you how seriously a person takes themselves. Can they laugh this off as a form question, or can you see the signs of ego getting wounded? Whoever can take this lightly is the one to take home with you. Listen to their response though, is their key relationship quality what they’re secretly wanting in a relationship?
It’s Time to Move on
To conclude, the trials and tribulations of a breakup whilst gut-wrenching are necessary to reconnect with ourselves as adults. It’s easy to lose ourselves in the motions of life, which is why jarring experiences like these can bring us back. Go back to our roots of you and what brings you joy. Try speed dating! It’s online and real-life dating combined in this whirlwind of endorphins, nerves, and excitement. There truly is no experience like it, and the skills gained will translate into all areas of life. Got an important business meeting with people visiting the company? Where else would you get the experience of chatting with and trying to impress multiple new people?